The motivation to start over is a process. We all go through something in life at one time or another that knocks us down and turns our life upside down, mine was divorce. Typically, rough times like these lead to challenging self-reflections that reveal truths we were once blind to. I warn you that I possess neither that eloquence of diction, that poetry of imagination, nor that brilliance of metaphor to tell you all that these words mean. But here it goes anyway.
Ah, motivation- that desire to be something better than yourself. We all search for motivation, and in my case, it appeared in the least likely scenario – my divorce. How is that for a surprise? It may sound mean or dismissive that I revel in the failure of a decades long marriage, and I don’t mean to trivialize this tragedy, but it has been fantastic; and not just for that poor woman who was foolish enough to get married to me, but for me too.
To fully grasp how the end of a marriage became motivation, I guess a little background is in order. I first realized a bit over ten years ago that my marriage was in trouble when my wife advertised her wedding dress for sale with the ad saying “worn once, by mistake.” As a former police detective I called that a clue! I should have called it an omen. Sure, I made mistakes; I’ll be the second one to admit that.
Sometimes our conversations about our married life often ended in the same way; me in a corner with a whip and a chair while I was given the “lecture” by the plaintiff. I must call her the plaintiff, legally, according to the courts; I can no longer call her those other names.
I have to say that in many ways our marriage, and eventually our divorce, was like a game show. The competition to get the last word in, the need to be right all the time and the deciphering of hidden messages and meanings was a daily event. And in the end, when the game was over she won a house and the car and I got some luggage!
The thing about our divorce that I noticed right away is that absence may not make the heart grow fonder, but it sure does cut down on the gunfire. Really, I am not that upset about my divorce anymore; and I no longer wish that I was a widower. I have evolved I suppose. Now I look at it as I was once given a life sentence, but a nice judge let me out early for good behavior.
By now you are thinking “is this guy just a jerk” or is everything just funny for him. Is everything funny about life? Often, for me, yes. Don’t go to a funeral with me unless you plan to participate in the giggles!
Find the Positive; Find Motivation
I like to think that there’s a positive to every negative; even my divorce. Is this true? For me, yes. If you go back and look at it, why it happened or how it happened, there’s something in there that’ll make you laugh. It definitely made my ex laugh, or cackle, or whinny, or something that sounds like cloven hooves coming together in glee, or whatever. This divorce motivated me ten years ago in ways I could not imagine. Please join me in the upcoming weeks to see how by taking this divorce in stride, I changed the course of my entire life.